I have been struggling lately with how to get everything done that needs to be done. I know the seasons have a lot to do with that too. Spring and fall are crazy around here for birthdays and sports and end/beginning of school activities. But it has gotten out of control. In ALL of April there are only 3 days on my calendar that are free and we haven't even gotten the schedule for soccer games yet which start soon. I find myself struggling to keep up and praying and asking God to help me get it all done.
Finally I became frustrated because it didn't seem God was answering my begging for help and I said, "Lord, I thought you would never put more on us than we can handle." I got my answer as clear as day. HE won't put anything on us that we can't handle, but WE often put most of what we are dealing with on ourselves.
WOW what an eye opener that was for me.
It's SO easy to get wrapped up in all the "shoulds" our culture puts on us as parents and women we miss out on so many wonderful moments with our families. If we don't stay on top of all the shoulds, we feel incredible guilt or failure. I am putting this on my blog because my blog is one of those things I feel like I "should" be doing. I am forever feeling guilty when I get behind. WHY I have no idea. I have maybe 5 readers and they can catch up with me on facebook. lol I want to be the mom who never has a pile of laundry (even though I haven't experienced that in 14yrs), feeds the kids homemade healthy foods every night of the week, knows exactly what they are learning in every subject at school at all times, has kids with perfect manners that get along all the time who can quote the whole Bible, makes it on time to every event, volunteers at the school 10 hours a week, can have guests over at any minute of the day because the house is always clean, has the perfect blog that is updated every day, isn't afraid to open her van door in car line for fear something will fall out, and never forgets a friend's birthday. I am finally realizing I can never be that person and I'm really struggling with it. Others seem to pull it off without a sweat. I have just always wanted to be and felt I "should" be this person and lived in tremendous guilt all the time because I couldn't figure out why I couldn't pull it off.
SOOOOO as of today I am giving myself permission to not even try to be this person anymore. I'm going to do the best I can for my family and stop feeling guilty if the neverending list doesn't get finished or I don't fit the perfect model of all things motherhood and housewife. If you see my van a wreck (and if you look in it, I can assure you, you WILL), I'm not going to try to explain it. If you stop by unexpectedly, I'm not going to panic and try to meet you outside so you don't see the mess (and I may not even change out of my PJs if I'm still in them at 2pm lol). If I'm late to something or miss something, I'm not going to beat myself up anymore.
Ahhhhh the freedom I feel already. :)
I'll let you all know how it works (and if it works!). lol