Friday, April 09, 2010

God's Calendar

I have been struggling lately with how to get everything done that needs to be done. I know the seasons have a lot to do with that too. Spring and fall are crazy around here for birthdays and sports and end/beginning of school activities. But it has gotten out of control. In ALL of April there are only 3 days on my calendar that are free and we haven't even gotten the schedule for soccer games yet which start soon. I find myself struggling to keep up and praying and asking God to help me get it all done.

Finally I became frustrated because it didn't seem God was answering my begging for help and I said, "Lord, I thought you would never put more on us than we can handle." I got my answer as clear as day. HE won't put anything on us that we can't handle, but WE often put most of what we are dealing with on ourselves.

WOW what an eye opener that was for me.

It's SO easy to get wrapped up in all the "shoulds" our culture puts on us as parents and women we miss out on so many wonderful moments with our families. If we don't stay on top of all the shoulds, we feel incredible guilt or failure. I am putting this on my blog because my blog is one of those things I feel like I "should" be doing. I am forever feeling guilty when I get behind. WHY I have no idea. I have maybe 5 readers and they can catch up with me on facebook. lol I want to be the mom who never has a pile of laundry (even though I haven't experienced that in 14yrs), feeds the kids homemade healthy foods every night of the week, knows exactly what they are learning in every subject at school at all times, has kids with perfect manners that get along all the time who can quote the whole Bible, makes it on time to every event, volunteers at the school 10 hours a week, can have guests over at any minute of the day because the house is always clean, has the perfect blog that is updated every day, isn't afraid to open her van door in car line for fear something will fall out, and never forgets a friend's birthday. I am finally realizing I can never be that person and I'm really struggling with it. Others seem to pull it off without a sweat. I have just always wanted to be and felt I "should" be this person and lived in tremendous guilt all the time because I couldn't figure out why I couldn't pull it off.

SOOOOO as of today I am giving myself permission to not even try to be this person anymore. I'm going to do the best I can for my family and stop feeling guilty if the neverending list doesn't get finished or I don't fit the perfect model of all things motherhood and housewife. If you see my van a wreck (and if you look in it, I can assure you, you WILL), I'm not going to try to explain it. If you stop by unexpectedly, I'm not going to panic and try to meet you outside so you don't see the mess (and I may not even change out of my PJs if I'm still in them at 2pm lol). If I'm late to something or miss something, I'm not going to beat myself up anymore.
Ahhhhh the freedom I feel already. :)
I'll let you all know how it works (and if it works!). lol

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Eastiopians said...

You are not alone. I laughed out loud at the part about fearing that something will fall out of your car...bwahaha...ME TOO!!! Hugs! Give yourself credit for what you DO and worry less about what you don't get finished. (at least, that is what I have been telling myself).

Laurie said...

Now you are living! :) I got over that stuff a long time ago and that was pre-Bella! I finally stopped caring with others thought of me and decided what the heck! If you ever see my black car clean, you need to call 911.....I'm seriously sick! LOL Hope you have a much better spring and enjoy your family. Laundry piled on the sofa just makes for a good 'fluff nest' to watch TV! :)

Paula said...

Kelly, I think maybe we were separated at birth. I could have written this! Dying to hear if you are successful... I don't think I would be!

Anonymous said...

You have SIX kids - I think you deserve some breaks :) I laughed about the van (because I'm famous for that - and totally humiliated by it too!) and about meeting guests outside. Every time my house is clean no one stops by - every time it is a mess every neighbor on the street starts up the walk and I panic and run out to "greet them" LOL : )

Hannah said...

I am right there with you. I feel like I should be that person too. My husband says I have unrealistic expectations about what a house should look like. I am that mom that bakes from scratch and tries to feed her kids whole foods. I expect my kids to live in our house and have fun, yet I expect the house to be spotless.

You are a great mom and as wonderful as home school is it does add to the schedule. You are doing great!

Cindy said...

Kelly, I feel just the same! I am amazed at all you do! And do so well. You deserve a pat on the back and the break from stress. Good for you!