Sunday, May 02, 2010

Are We Done Yet?


I have had something weighing heavily on my heart lately and I didn't know what God wanted me to do with it. Then a friend sent me a WONDERFUL blog post that described my heart with such clarity and boldness.

It is such an AMAZING read! Linny is a fabulous writer and always convincts my heart in such a powerful way. I love reading how God has blessed her through her faithfulness. I also love her VERY frank way of putting things into perspective, something I struggle with. :) You must also read some of her other "special posts" in the sidebar of her blog, especially the post about not being able to afford adoption.

Lately it seems like I have been bombarded with questions regarding our decision to have a large family or if we're "done". (I have been bombarded with other questions too like why we adopted from Guatemala and Ethiopia instead of the US or the comments like "it takes special people to do what you do" which is not true but I will address those in other posts.) I'm not sure what sparked it suddenly unless now that Kolton has been home a year, people feel it must be time to quit or start again.

Linny put it perfectly that in worldly terms "our hands are pretty full" but that isn't what we want our life to be about. When people ask me if we are "done", I struggle to answer that because my worldly mind was "finished" after our 3rd child (which was still more than the 2.2 national average), but THANKFULLY the Lord had other plans. How can I answer for Him? I can't. So when people ask me if we are done, I can tell them how I feel at that very moment but that doesn't mean God won't change my heart for His will the very next day nor would I want my limited vision and understanding to decide my life.

When people ask this question, it is usually (not always) asked with a lot of sarcasm and little understanding. According to the world, why would anyone be open to more than 6 children (or more like 2 or 3 or 4)? The world, typically, views children as obstacles. Obstacles to relaxation, obstacles to a cushy savings account, obstacles to a dream sports car, obstacles to work promotions, obstacles to sleep, obstacles to exotic dream vacations......the list goes on and on. When I look at any of my sweet sweet babies, I want to cry at the thought of us not having any of them for any of the above reasons. They are worth more than a million years of relaxing on a gorgeous beach or having 10 million dollars "lying around" in a savings account or the most envied sports car or mega home or being promoted to the top of the biggest company! God is VERY clear in the Bible that we are not to desire "earthly things". Trust me, I know how hard that is. Every time my sister brings over a realty magazine oh how I want a bigger, more convenient house with a nice view and lots of nice would a house with so much room I could have my own craft room be?! Every time I see a new SUV in school car line I, even just for a slight second, think how nice it would be to have new (which equals CLEAN and "unmarred" in my mind). And trust me....I love my Target, but I definitely think I could get used to nicer clothes. ;) I know it isn't easy. But is it worth not having any of my precious babies (or FUTURE precious babies)???? NEVER EVER EVER! Not for a SECOND!

In worldly views it's irresponsible to add to your family before you have everything squared away perfectly, but how are you to ever see God's mighty hand at work if you are always the one in complete CONTROL? How can you have a close walk with Him if you never NEED Him? How can you tell God you have faith in Him if you never trust Him to be in complete control of your life and mold you according to His will? We never were able to see His unbelievable MIRACLES until we let go of the ideas we were holding onto and let HIM work in our lives (even when it seemed irresponsible or "crazy" to the world). Since letting go of our own lives, we see Him, feel Him, hear Him, KNOW HIM more that we ever have in our lives.

We pray that God lets us see children as HE sees them. We pray that He gives us HIS heart for them. That He allows us to love them as He does.

I don't know when God will be finished adding to our family, but I hope WE never stand in the way of HIS blessings for us. Every child is such an incredible blessing from God whether they are number 1 or 10. I would feel completely honored if God were to trust us with another one of His blessings.

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