She finally came to trust us and deeply bond with us, but it's obvious the scars from the "miracle of adoption" are still there and may always be. Today she is a very happy little girl for the most part and adores us as we do her. It's so easy to forget she is adopted because she is so deeply a part of our family. I sometimes "forget" that I didn't birth her. Even though she is a well adjusted little girl who loves her family smiles all the time, and doesn't seem to have a single need in the world, she still hurts because loosing what she lost in her first 7mo of life (her birth mother she was DEEPLY bonded to from conception as well as a foster mother who had loved her for 7mo) is traumatic.
The other night she woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible night terror. Instead of being afraid (terror), it was deep intense sadness. She cried so super hard and I couldn't console her. Finally she woke up from it and I asked her what was making her sad. She said with huge tears rolling down her cheeks, "I miss my mommy." I knew she didn't mean me even though she and I are very close and bonded. I knew it was something much deeper than I could fulfill. The bond between a mother and her baby already at BIRTH is DEEP. Loosing that is a huge deal, even if the baby goes straight home from the hospital with the adoptive parents, they know. They know they aren't with the same person they were with for 9 mo. Even in the perfect adoption situation, something terrible had to happen for adoption to be needed. Going into this I thought love was all these children needed, but while they of course NEED love, that's by far not going to erase what they have been through. Of course we don't spend every day talking about everything that happened to our children for them to become orphans, but we don't pretend it hasn't affected them either. Almost 5yrs later, we are still learning and growing on this journey to provide all we can for our children. There's SO much to know and even the experts still have so much to learn. Most of what I am learning about my children I have had to get from little bits of information from naturapaths, neurologists, psychiatrists, other parents, child development experts, etc. Not one person has all the answers and not one book can cover all the dynamics of what they are dealing with. And to think I once thought LOVE IS ALL THEY NEED.